Silver Lining Lessons: Our most basic instinct is for FAMILY.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is one that reflects the innermost soul of any human being, which is the need for family. As I continue to age and experience the complexities, joys, heartaches and overall unexpected nature of "family" relationships, I feel my need (not to be confused with an equally strong desire) for family intensifies and grows immeasurably.

"Our most basic instinct is not for survival, but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted." ~Dr. Paul Pearshall (http://www.paulpearsall.com/info/about.html)

The past 18 months have been filled with many family challenges that have both directly and indirectly affected me. However, through it all, a burning desire to strengthen the bonds I have with my nuclear family, extended family and "in-laws" continues to grow.

In the face of adversity, I saw my mother rise to the challenge both physically and mentally. Her strength, courage and resilience inspired me then, and will stay with me forever. Although I do not think she will ever understand her own strength and worth, I will never question it or take it for granted.

During this same time period, I was blessed to witness the power of innocence. The birth of my first niece was therapeutic. Her arrival into the family came at the perfect moment and she seemed to be the final piece of the puzzle. She was a vision of hope and strength for everyone, but especially for her Nana.

This was not the only trying time for the matriarch of the family during the past 18 months. As a family, we once again came together in support of the woman that has always supported us. During those difficult weeks, previously dormant bonds came alive and notoriously thin bonds grew thicker. Communication opened doors to places that were painful, but also necessary for everyone to be able to share their unconditional love for each other. Relationships were also put to the test and those relationships emerged with a renewed strength and spirit. .

More recently, I witnessed a family, one that I consider my own, deal with the struggle of coming to terms with one of life's most complex moments - death. The death of a family member is always tragic, but it can sometimes be even more difficult when the relationships between survivors and the deceased are nothing short of complicated. Those who had relationships with the man faced a volatile mixture of love, regret, disappointment, anger, sadness and an unbearable weight of those things left unsaid. I watched as this family's mixed emotions took hold of otherwise dazed and dormant bodies and minds. There was laughter at old videos, nostalgia at sepia toned photographs and tears for all that was and was not. When the bugle sounded it's final note of Taps and the American flag was meticulously folded and presented to the family, my heart filled with emotion for the life of a man that never knew what he truly had, and for the family he left behind. That family will be left to live amongst the memories, hopes and failed reconciliations and strive to find peace amongst it all.

Presently, the organic nature of life continues, as it always will, in constant motion. Life does not wait for you to be ready and it does not provide any time-outs. The motion of life inherently makes memories and moments fleeting. There is worth and warmth to past memories, but it is in the present struggles and joys that life is happening all around us. The bonds we make in our lives can become impenetrable. During the past two weeks, I was able to celebrate the organic life in the moments I shared with my family. I soaked it all in as a means of filling myself with their love and life to sustain my need for family while we are apart.

I come back to Dr. Paul Pearshall's words, "Our most basic instinct is not for survival, but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted." The single most tragic mistake one can make is taking one's family for granted.

Although life often keeps us away from loved ones for longer than we all would like, we alone are in control of how we stay togehter when we are a part. In 2006, I chose to get my first and only tattoo so far. I chose to have the word "Ubuntu" permanently inked onto my skin because it is a constant reminder to me to simply be a good human.

“Ubuntu [...] speaks of the very essence of being human. [We] say [...] "Hey, so-and-so has ubuntu." Then you are generous, you are hospitable, you are friendly and caring and compassionate. You share what you have. It is to say, "My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in yours." We belong in a bundle of life. We say, "A person is a person through other persons. [...] A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed, or treated as if they were less than who they are.” - Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Embrace the bonds. Live the pain. Celebrate the joy. Make it yours, all of it.